Q #54

When you do things that terrify you - and you realise they're not so terrifying after all - that is a good feeling.

Q #52

I was having with a discussion with my father last weekend about books - which is odd, if you know us. My father and I have differing opinions, about virtually everything, and he is not much of a reader, so to open up this dialogue is a little odd, but it was happening. His point was something along the lines of a book is only good when it helps you to understand the point of view of another person. I couldn't disagree more, at this point.

It is probably an arrogant stance, but the books I place most highly, are ones that help me gain a further understanding about myself. I think one of the greatest feelings, is to read the words that someone else has put down weeks, years, decades or even centuries before that moment, and feeling a piece of your brain slot in place like a jigsaw. There is a feeling of affinity that rushes back to you from somewhere you didn't know existed - and it's like something makes sense, suddenly. It might not be a giant piece of the jigsaw, nor a crucial part like a corner or an edge, but a piece that helps build something bigger...

Q #51

I found this quote floating around Tumblr - I have no idea who this person is, or whether this quote is really attributed to them. I did a google and can find no accurate sources, but I liked the quote, so fuck it. I kind of love that sort of internet bullshit - it could just be someone made it up, who knows...

However my point today is not about the intricacies of ownership on the internet, but how weird things are, when people (and with it, memories) slink back into your life, and it feels like nothing has really changed. I was talking earlier this week about feeling like you've got your shit together, and I most definitely did not feel like I had my shit together when this person popped up. Until that point, I thought I'd made peace with certain feelings, but suddenly I felt like I fell down the rabbit hole again, and I handled it poorly - but it's bizarre how memories of feelings can stick with you, and they will not leave you no matter how hard you try. 

So, whoever wrote this down, some Tumblr philosopher, perhaps, is spot on. Be wary of who you make memories with, because those feelings don't always go away. One day you could be casually scrolling through your Instagram feed, or perusing a selection of wine in the supermarket and you'll realise that they were there all along. By all means, make peace with those memories, accept them for what they are (a poor decision is a learning opportunity, if we're being optimistic!), but maybe don't trick yourself into thinking you'll forget them completely, as I apparently did...

Q #50

A Beyonce quote is a bit different from my usual quotes, but it's the sentiment I'm trying to convey, here. I think you don't realise how much you can do by yourself and depend on yourself, until you're actually put in that situation. 

I find new things quite challenging, sometimes, but when it comes down to the wire, I somehow seem to pull it out of the bag. It's weird, this ability of mine, to underestimate myself. 

Q #49

I feel like sometimes I need to be bit more aware of my surroundings, there are a lot of things going on, that I miss because I have my head in the clouds.

Q #48

I don't have anything much to say about this post, except I watched Bright Star last weekend, and it was adorable and sad and everything, and now I've been reading a lot of Keats. I really like poetry, but studying something it at college made me hate it - I need to get back to the point where I love it again. Maybe one day I feel about art that way, like I can actively enjoy making it, again - who knows.

Q #47

I'm not sure where this quote came from, it was one of those things that I found on Pinterest, and saved to my Pinterest board of quotes and other beautiful writings (where I find the gems for this series, usually!). However, I really liked it, in the sense that most people seem to be afraid of like, spiders, or clowns, or falling from a great height, whereas these things have never really bothered me. Sure, I'm a bit afraid of anything worms for some reason, but it's not debilitating. What does paralyse me, though, is the fear when you're left alone with your own thoughts - that freaks me out a lot more than any bug, mountain or clown mask could.

Q #46

Sometimes I joke that I just want to try everything once, and never settle down, and this quote rang true to me. I want to be everything and nothing, I never want to be tied down, I want to be myself and do whatever I want. Maybe this is why I've never settled down, or maybe I just hate men, as some people have theorised (not true, but hey, give it time!). Now that I've changed my job, and there is the real possibility that I can start saving to move out, I am wondering what my internal monologue thinks about the possibility of putting down roots for good...

Q #45

I love this, in terms of this quote I spoke about a little while ago. I am not a problem to be solved, a thing to be found, an issue to be worked out or something broken that needs fixing. It's this issue I have with the manic pixie dream girl trope - that women are seen as something to be fixed. I have no desire to be worked out, solved, fixed, or helped - I just want to exist and find someone who will exist alongside me. 

Q #44

Spring feels truly upon us, now, Easter is just around the corner, and we've been flip-flopping between dull, overcast and grey morning, to glorious sunshine by 11AM. I saved this quote to my Pinterest back in January, which now seems like years ago, a wretched time of dark nights and blue evenings. It happens every year, but I forget how much happier I feel when the sun comes back and I can start to look forward to the summer once more, and start planning some weekend adventures...

Q #43

I mentioned it on Twitter, vaguely, but I have some big changes happening in my life this week. Your well wishes were received with open arms and minds, and a wide open heart, and with some stroke of good fortune I got a job offer and I start next week! This means leaving somewhere that I've worked since I was 17, and this feels like the most massive change in my life. Part of my fritters with excitement and thinks yes, I am BEYOND ready for this challenge, bring it the hell on! And part of me whispers in the back of my mind that maybe no-one will like me, that I shouldn't have punched above my weight, that maybe I'll suck, that maybe this, or that, or what if... 

It's strange, because I know now that I have reached some peaks in life, in terms of having good friends, in having confidence, in a strong mind and will and knowing who I am. And suddenly it has all fallen into place? Someone asked me if I would've gone for this job a year ago, and I probably wouldn't have, I would've been too nervous to try for it, but since then, I've learned so much about myself, and I feel ready for anything.

I was having a conversation with a friend at work about leaving, and she was also worried about whether she was making the right decision about leaving herself, and the pros and cons of it all and sometimes, you just never reach an outright decision, do you? Sometimes, you've just got to jump in head first, and not try and predict an outcome. For this job, I found out I had an interview, had an evening to prepare, and found out I got the job the day after the interview! For someone who always felt a little uncomfortable with spontaneity, I feel like I need to do more things like this, to test my strengths! 

Deep down, I'm know that I have made the right decision. It's a better job, more challenges, more responsibility, more prospects and more of a career in mind, yet there is still that little pitter-patter of first day nerves in the back of my throat, like starting school all over again! 

Anyway, I've rambled on an on, but this is a really long-winded way of saying: don't wait. Whether it's about a job or a lover, a opportunity or a argument, just don't wait. Jump in and see what happens, or you'll just keep coming up with excuses not to do it! This is coming from the girl who lacks the spontaneity gene, and can find an excuse for everything....

Q #42

There is something about the Spring that gets me so excited for travelling, for the urge to see more. Maybe it's an antidote for the the cooped-up feeling I get during the Winter, but who knows.

I'm currently dreaming about Italy (when am I not, to be fair?). I'm trying to work up the courage to travel there for a little break by myself, and whether I could cope with flying alone... 

Q #41

My wanderlust and urge to travel might be coming to fruition! Been putting some plans into motion, recently, and it's getting exciting. I think I'll just always be one of those people that has their head somewhere else...
Me and my friend Gemma have put a deposit down on a trip to New York City in the autumn, which I've been reassured on Twitter will be beautiful and I'm so unbelievably excited as I've never cross the Atlantic! And we might also have a little English adventure in the summer! 

Q #40

I find quotes like these awkward, because I do sort of hate that mentality of like, if someone hates you it's because they're jealous of you? Some people probably just hate you, and that's it. I feel like that is similar to this, in a way. 

However, I've recently realised that I've shed all those toxic friends you have at school and university, who put your down to make you feel better, and recently found myself in such a good place with my little group of work friends and old friends, and I'm just really happy that I have nice people around who support me, and I can in turn support with no bitterness, you know? They're all equal friendships, equalling giving and taking, and it's so nice and chill to get to that point. It's like I'm growing up, or something, god!

Q #39

I've been thinking, these last few weeks, about assertiveness, and growing into myself, and how I definitely think it has come with age. I used to be very shy, very naive, a pushover and a wallflower... I'm improving a lot, and the way I always felt inside is becoming inline with how I am seen on the outside, I think. I care less and less about what people think, I am a mess and have little to offer the world, but that is who I am. 

Q #38

I am a firm believer of the fact it takes something very tough, hard times and the lowest points in life, to learn about yourself, to work out what you can stand as a person, to find your limits and to push your boundaries. 

Q #37

I have a lot of ~feelings~ about this quote: I've been told a lot, in life, that I'm too much, too much to handle, people can't cope with me and all that I come with... I just think it'd be good to get to that place where someone can deal with all that.  I could talk a lot more about this, but I think I've over shared enough - I just thought it was really nice and I wanted to show you it all. 

Q #36

I feel like this about a lot of things in life - like I will never know enough, read enough, learn enough, grow enough... You could see that as a bad thing, but I like to look at as though I'm just eager to learn more. I loved learning new things at university, and I feel like I've given up a bit on that since graduating, and I've stopped my Italian classes too due to some problems with my tutor - so I'm going to try and push myself to learn a bit more, on my own time.
I feel like this ties in nicely with what I was talking about earlier in the week, too.. Sometimes I just want to drink things in, and that to be enough.

Q #35

I found this quote when I was trying to find a fitting one for my stars board on Pinterest (such a blogger thing, haha), and I fell in love. I've read a little bit of Camus at university, but I really adore this quote, because I'm such a stargazer. I've loved these cold and clear nights we've had recently, when I finish work late at night I turn off al the lights and sit in my car and stare at the sky for a bit, trying to pick out the constellations that I know.. I'm working on it.

Follow clare's board outside: stars on Pinterest.

Q #34

Things to remember:

You are stronger than you think.

Small victories are equally important.

Never base your self worth on what other people think of you.